Purity in the Fire

Curtains drawn in mist over the empty-eyed sunrise
Where we lie in poison swells, where our frantic breaths are stilled
Lazy saltwater sheets erase every trace of our existence
Even as the moon struggles for relevance
Against the blinding eye of heaven’s favorite
We dressed in pestilence and destruction before this
And manifested our dreams in prescient castles
Who crumble before the dauntless tides
Who stumble before the unblinking mind
A future by the fading firelight
Who twists and turns and shrinks to her embers
And blisters and burns ev’ry fool who dares touch her
I live in the fire, I love her
As she wraps those restless fingers ’round me
Spills out her passions, swarms to the source of my heat
She can dress in me, impress upon me her quivering art
And I will let flow all I know, ev’ry word I’ve composed
Just to watch her petals unfold, feel her blossom against the cold
Be the fuel to her growth, a god deposed who
Upon returning to her throne, would burn all I’ve known
Just to watch this expose the strength of our souls
To those who don’t know, those who won’t show
When we gather close atop the children of mountains
To watch the world explode
Curtains drawn in smoke over the rubble of the apocalypse
Where we lie in the grasp of nothingness, where these tantric eternities climax
Beholden molecules crash into the skin so graceless
Leaving no trace of the faces behind them
In their ache to bind themselves to the heavens
We dress in infernal enchantment amidst the wreckage
And manifest our reality in sacred texts
Who burn at the eyes of the uninitiated
And spurn the weakness of lesser beings
A flame that draws upon the flesh, leaves not pain, but bliss
That sifts through all these tiresome trivialities
To paint in oil that begs ignition, a masterpiece with this inscription
Here, a dream is merely a truth, yet to be undressed.

Return

We don’t die whole
Or collected
With our thoughts
And dreams
Bound neatly within
Our heads, no
We decompose slowly
Over a lifetime
Of chisels and scratches
Like leaves passing
One by one from the fingertips
Of ancient oaks
‘Til what’s left
Is willing to accept
The end 

We don’t die bold
And bright
With all our memories
Gathered
Like firewood, no
It’s after the warmth we pass
Ashes scattered
Over a thousand fires’ corpses
We exit quietly
Stage left, long after
The applause and the audience
Are gone
‘Til naught’s left
But killing the lights
On our last show

But oh, how we live
In the spaces given
Before lying in our earthen
Confines
How we share our thoughts
And dreams
Free beyond our wildest
Expectations
How we compose poetry
Of our sentence
Hammer and shape existence
With sculptor’s hands
‘Til what’s left
Might outlast
Our impermanence

Oh, how we unfold
The unfathomable
Into the intricate imaginings
Of each brushstroke
How we echo, as light
Bouncing from the clouds
And streams
Of consciousness
How we seed anew
Fledgling oaks
Who might someday shade
The weary
Whose weathered flesh
Might someday see carved
Another’s name

For our swift-seeming journey
Is a circumnavigation
Of the heart
A passage ’round the Earth
By her stars
And just as we adjourn
For the evening
Someday she shall return
I believe
Just as fresh leaves conceived
To hold the hands
Of their beloved trees
In the spring
Oh, if ever we are to come home
Someday, we must leave.

Goodnight, Goodbye

A soft-spoken breeze
Carries leaves across the shaded grass
Whispers along blades
Fragile as the words
That hung lifeless
On our lips
The sun filtered through
Cloud strands brushed to match
Her onyx hair and
The bony fingers of
Sleeping trees gnarled by
Memories of life

She echoed the soft light of evening
Eyes sparkling with a false smile
Worn by overuse
These days
She swallowed her wine with all the bravado
Of a woman who knew
Just where the sun collapses
These days

And God knows, where the story goes
From here
All hope dead on the riverbeds of long
Dried tears
But I’ll remember the unspoken
And the cry of the ravens
The scratch of the leaves along
My throat
I’ll remember how my world hung
In the balance
I’ll remember the moment our hearts cried out
In horror

She revoked the smile from my own lips
An instant, bloodless and swift
Shorn as if it had never
Existed
She exposed to me my only weakness
That I dared love the treacherous
Preferred it even, to any other that
Existed

We’ve all got our demons
And I’ve still got my drinking
And what I can’t forget tonight
Will be gone before the bottle
Is empty.

Dysphoria

Holding on to the weak smile
Of the streetlight, she stutters
And fades, I wonder what fate
Might befall me
These dark days
Call to me, what malady has
Swallowed me
How swiftly does a star turn
To hungry shadow, and
How long must I fight
To find my way home
I don’t even know
Where that is anymore
Where I’ve been since the door
Closed, and the coals expired
To a thin spire of smoke
I’m holding on because
Fighting’s all I know
Because I was given a lover’s heart
Trapped in a warrior’s bones
Wrapped in leather and scars
And left to wander this place alone
And each sultry smile
Each passing light
Is a ticking time bomb
Before they’re gone for the night
I’ve never felt so alone
I’ve never felt so woefully alive
As I am here
Reading the years from gravestones
In silence, made heavy
By the weight of all
I hold back
I scream to the black
Dream of the day
Cry at the back
Of my own grave
I just want to find my way
Away
I just want all that I’ve given
To find its place
The price I’ve paid
For having the strength
To stand through the pain
To free a smile
From my own face
The toxins in my blood
Once trickled, now flood
The senses, I want to see
The light again, to feel I’ve done
What’s right in this
When the blood-soaked sun
Hangs accusing
And the clouds no longer offer
Protection
From this predilection for
Isolation, some subconscious endeavor
To keep my arms readied, emptied
For all that I might carry
For all that I might bury
Deep, what wears my fingers
To the bone
Is knowing I’ll never be whole
That this void rests in my soul
An eternity
It seems, or maybe it’s
Just me
And they’re right
I’ll be fine
Someday
But tonight, I bear the full weight
Of the spaces this world has carved
In me
Holding on to the weak smile
Of the streetlight
I wonder what these skies
Have cost me
I ponder where life
Might have crossed me
And will I ever feel
At peace
Along these empty city streets
Where so many have called my name
And yet
I cast my voice into these hollows and know
No one else can hear me
I am the lonely one who spares the dream
For you, that in turn
Such nightmares haunt me
That these streetlights dare
To taunt me
That I suffer
So you might
Sleep
And I’m left wondering if
My soul will ever know
That the muse dies alone
Known only in fragments and paintings
In poems and arrangements
Left upon the grave
Where I and my love sit
So enraptured by the fires we set
That we never slowed
Til all that was left of our hope
Was ashes.

One Last Drink

Her lips pressed ‘gainst my ear
She whispered
Have you seen the devil
And I know I am him, and she is
And tonight we’ll live cause
Tomorrow we’re dyin’
But good lord, don’t give in yet
We’ve got hours ’til day breaks the will
Of the night we’re hiding in
So I took her hand in mine
And we closed our eyes and jumped
Fell, or flew, depends on your perspective
I say, it’s all the same if you can stick the landing
Hearts swelled, lungs bloomed
A rush of cool air to the flesh
And we were saved, or doomed
One last dance ‘fore the moon
Laid her head on that sweet-shouldered horizon
Lazily drifted off to bed and
We kissed, swore we’d remember
To forget this by morning
‘Cause love must be a drinker
I’ve never known her to sleep without
A little regret on her lips.

Live

Dream big enough that you need only succeed once
And all your failures will be trivial in comparison
Do not ignore the low road, but pay attention
To the destination at the end of every road
Remember, fear is not the absence of courage
But the recognition of risk, use it to temper your decisions
But ignore it when the time comes to take action
It is not unpatriotic to be disappointed in your country
To challenge even the highest authority, patriotism is
A willingness to do just that, even if you are the only voice
Speaking out, speak louder, ensure that you are heard
And accept that many may disagree
Love deep enough that you leave yourself vulnerable
And love deeper still, that it reminds you that you’re invincible
Do not ignore the consequences of your actions
But weigh them fairly against the benefits
Remember, strength is not the absence of weakness
But the ability to overcome it when needed
Do not underestimate your capabilities, but do not
Overestimate them either, draw a fine line between
Reality and fantasy, then cross it as often as you can
Do not avoid anger, nor regret it
Do make sure it is well-spent, and do not dwell on it
Be confident in yourself, but never to the point of complacency
Or arrogance, the simple recognition of your potential
Is enough to move mountains
Live well, and leave behind all that made you
When you die, that you will be remembered
For who you were, rather than what you did
It is better to be remembered in a diary
Than a history book, no matter how great the deed
It simply cannot compare to the lives you touched
Personally, rage against the dying of the light
If only to accomplish one more great thing
That you never thought you could
Live enough, that you need only live once
And your death will merely be a footnote
To the life you’ve led.

Acknowledgement

I never stopped loving you
I never turned my back
Never withdrew my hand
I never thought less
Was never unimpressed
By you

And now we’re old friends and
Watching the tides roll in
Lamenting how quickly they
Withdraw again
And we’re left with miles of darkened sand
And traces of years that should have been spent
Differently
And now the time has come and gone
The skies have rolled over
Into the storm
As we fight and dig and claw at the world
Hoping to unearth what we were
Before the sun collapsed across the horizon
Before the gun went off in our hands
As we watched the corpse of beauty lying quiet
And the wind changed direction
Carried away sanity, left only
The weight of depression
On our breath

I never stopped loving you
I never turned my back
Never withdrew my heart
I never wanted us to part
Never wanted it to end
Like this

And now we’re alone in orbit
As close as we’ve ever been
And your as beautiful as I remember
As unforgettable as ever
We’re watching the stars cower
Behind the cloud of a cigarette
Talking like we’ve forgotten who we were
Like nothing was ever different
Now we’re wandering through the world
Pondering existence
Exhaling glass over the song we played then
And for every light that peers from behind
The echoes of our death
We’ve a shadow ready to dress in
A darkness born of hard-earned lessons
Who could trust us
After where we’ve been
Ferried away by the impossibility of
Subconscious suggestions

I never stopped loving you
I never turned my back
Never banished these memories
I never wanted a moment’s peace
Never wanted to sleep
Again

And now I see these pictures of you
Now I hear your words
And dance around the uncomfortable truth
That where we are is not where
We were
And you’re far beyond the corners I’ve turned
Too far gone to hear this verse
I wonder, what differences might come of a world
Where we might be
What we might see, if all that transpired
Hadn’t, and if we might sit on this beach
Old friends, who wrote this poem
Together, instead of lamenting the tides
Or the hidden moon that draws them
Or the weight of the world, that had fallen
Before we ever knew her name
I wonder if love and loss are
One and the same, or variations of a composition
We’ve both played

And if so, what note might come next
Is it hope, or withdrawal by reflex
Will I know more than words and
Context
When you lean across the dampened sand
And ask me where I haven’t been
Will I have the courage to ask you
To come with?

The Traveller

Some men are content to remain in the shadows
Some men are content to call complacency home
Some men can’t face the burning in their throats
When confronted with even a small taste of the unknown
Do not be those men, she said
Pursue life ’til your very last breath
‘Til the flesh separates from your bones
And your shoulders give from the load

So I set out into the woods
And stared down the night
And her long black dress
And glistening stars
Whose shoulder bathed in moonlight
Did seem as hope to my weary eyes

Some men will linger too long here
Some men will take shelter in the oaken arms I offer
Some men come to escape the morning
When faced with the weight of the world they’ve left
Do not be those men, she said
Take solace here, but do not lie down your head
Let the light of the moon remind you of the day’s approach
And beware the arms that would hold you too close

So I set out to the shore
And fashioned a boat
Of driftwood and daring
Cast out to sea
Where white crests cascaded over
A gown that glistened under the eyes of dawn

Some men will drown ‘neath the weight of the waves
Some men will drift without direction or aim
Some men will long for me long past their mooring
And see only the moment they may return to me
Do not be those men, she said
Be sure that your course is swift and direct
Hoist your sails and and embrace those winds
Who would press forward through any storms that threatens

So I set out to port
In a foreign world
And traversed the bustling city streets
‘Til the edge of town and I did meet
At the bleeding of dusk into desert sands
Whose tan skin invited me
Into oblivion

Some men will ever thirst for me
Some men will fall before moving on
Some men can’t escape the light I radiate
When the sun climbs high across my sheets
Do not be those men, she said
Walk ’til the water is heaven on your lips
‘Til the skin begs to crack from the fate that you’ve chosen
And your eyes see the oasis just beyond your hopelessness

So I set out to find
What else lie before me
Only to discover my circumnavigation complete
As my eyes lit upon that first day’s dream
Whose arms outstretched awaited me
Who, on my approach, whispered quietly

Some men are content to traverse the world
Some men would consent to calling no place home
Some men can’t face a future set in place
And see only those horizons to which they might run away
Do not be those men, she said
Who have tasted the world, and never returned to my lips
Before they tread quietly unto the abyss
And wished they remembered more than they had left.

      -Do not neglect the destination for the journey, or the journey for the destination. And when you greet the end, you will do so having truly lived.

In the End, Ariadne was the Ocean

I swim in your depths
They stay on the coast
They kiss your lips
And I swallow you whole
I live in your breath
They hold their own
I wake you from death
They cover you with stones

And here on this pier
Where I draw you near
The world still holds on to
Erasers
So don’t fear, let’s be clear
When they call you home
It’s to destroy what is dear
To your heart and your bones

But I’ll teach you to lie
When they ask if you’re calm
Give you the sky
As they extend dirt-filled palms
I’ll keep you, my ocean
Through your storms and your faults
And you’ll never feel hopeless and
Never be lost.

Absence

Where do we go from here
Sitting back, gathering the years
Like dust on the lens
Filtering out the sunlight
I wish
But I won’t say it right
And you won’t hear above
The volumes of repression
The sentence of depression
Under dark skies
Where our thoughts condense
Coalesce
Into the sunlight’s absence
Where do we go from here
When all I want is
A smile, my children’s laugh
And all I have is
This distance
This barren existence
Where they are not
And I am
And I hate it
This degradation of beauty
Into bloodshed
This capitulation of love to
Punishment
I have given everything
And still this is what you’ve chosen
To take from me
They tell me have hope
Keep the faith
Maybe even let go
If it’ll make it okay
Instead I’ll swallow the world
And still not fill
The void inside of me
The world cut from my chest
That left me broken
And hopeless
And knowing
The only chance at happiness
Is to overcome this
Hatred you harbor
Through the strength of my love
And I wonder sometimes
When the sun hides
Behind the clouds
And I want to shout
To scream from hell
I can not do without
I am not doing well
I wonder, if I am enough
If I have the capacity
The love
To withstand the torrents
You have rained upon me
To know trust
When it’s been shattered
So completely
To live on
Despite the calm in your seas
While my ship is ravaged
By the havoc you’ve wreaked
I doubt
Sometimes
Though I know life’s sublime
Peaceful moments
The beauty divine
And complete
I have my wreckage, you see
My crashes and recollections
Of dreams
Once painted so flawless
Now aged and fading
Quickly
Where do we go from here
I wonder
I can hear the thunder
Approaching
As I sit back, gather my tears
As memories across
My sleeves
And I in my darkness
I in my shadows
I and my demons, well
I know how it goes
I’ve seen
And I can only hope
Someday, I’ll find the course
That ushers me away from the scene
That touches the wasteland
Of my dreams
Breathes life into my seams and
I’ll stand, you’ll beckon
But I’ll not hear
Over the sound of the years
You’ve stolen
I don’t fear
What is to come anymore
For what might bring me to shore
Surely, can’t be worse
Than what set me to sea
Maybe I’ll drown
Before knowing the beach
But where I go from here
All my doubts and fears
The years spent thrashing wildly
And loving with the veracity
I have, dreaming with the capacity
Of kings
Well, that all belongs
To me.